Oh no! We had a fight!

Ahh… It will happen. You will discover that the two of you have different visions and preferences. “Marriage is an alliance between a man who cannot sleep with the window closed, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.” Except here, the equivalent of opening the window costs thousands of dollars, and the alternative costs even more. Add to that parents’ wishes and friends’ advice. Already tight nerves from a myriad other reasons. Time pressure to make decisions quickly. It’s not easy.

Just remember this. In an argument, each person is defending their right to be themselves. Your other half’s insistence has less to do with that (hypothetical) folk band that you dislike, and more with the freedom to make decisions important to them in life. If something is really important to the other person… well, you really can’t take it away from them.

You absolutely need to take a step back and regain perspective. Wedding planning is just the beginning of a life-long process of really learning to respect each other. Living happily ever after doesn’t just happen by itself! (We got some advice for you there, too!)

To get a quick taste of that perspective – literally – zero in on that emotional moment when, in front of many witnesses, you and that frog in your throat, will say to your other half:

“I … take you… to be my wife/husband,
to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health;
and these things I promise to you:
I will respect, trust, honor, and comfort you;
I will listen to you and support you;
I will encourage you and I will forgive you…”

Misunderstandings quickly become fights, and next thing you know, it’s a deal-breaker! And in fact, rationally, there’s no winning. Here’s a hypothetical a couple. He feels most comfortable when indoors temperature is 19° C, and she prefers 21°. Imagine that they each have a room, each kept at their preferred temperature, but they spend most of their time together in the living room – where the two temperatures average out. It’s always too cool for her, but too warm for him. She goes to her room and turns the temperature up – and he immediately gets up to turn his thermometer down. They exchange angry stares. Yet they are still not better off! In fact, they could set the thermostats to 0° and 40°… by which time they’ll be ready to kill each other!

Warning: killing anyone is not recommended while doing wedding planning.

“Try softening your belly. Let it be loose and at ease. Don’t ‘try to relax’. Just soften.” Christopher Germer.

Moral of the story? If you can’t agree on something, avoid drifting further apart. Look for a compromise. “I’m sorry, I guess you really care about the choice of music… here, why don’t you do it?” – “No, well, I’d like to make sure you don’t absolutely hate my choice… How about this for a compromise?”

And good luck!

“The struggles we endure today will be the ‘good old days’ we laugh about tomorrow.” Aaron Lauritsen