On Extravagant Weddings, Gifts and Greed

being drawn underHave you heard about this girl who lost it all in her pursuit of a perfect wedding? Her future husband, her family and friends, and quite possibly her mind as well.

Here’s the highlights of this crazy but sad story of ‘Canadian Susan’: $60K dream wedding in Aruba, $15K in her bank account, and a request for each guest to pay $1,500 (presumably in addition to their flight and accommodation in Aruba).

Social media exploded in contempt. Yes, it’s easy to take the high moral ground if you are anonymous.

money outweighing people.jpgDon’t get me wrong. I, too, don’t think what she did was reasonable or defensible. Planning a wedding that you absolutely cannot afford is madness and is bound to end up in heartbreak. Avoiding debt is smart, but expecting others to finance your wedding is unrealistic.

Here’s another scenario.

Let’s imagine a hypothetical girl. Totally reasonable. She just wants to marry the love of her life and have her family and friends celebrate with them. The average price for a wedding reception in Toronto nearly makes her head explode. She tries to cut costs, maybe do without flowers, or cut the cake. She talks to her friends about her ideas, and they say ‘Oh my god, how could you have a wedding without a cake?!’ These are the people, of course, who are invited to the wedding. So, the cake goes back in. She doesn’t want her wedding day to be criticized by her friends. Later, she realizes that her friends and family have no concept of price of a wedding in Toronto nowadays. They think that a wedding guest giving a card with $100 per person is being generous.

bad situation.jpgI know. It is bad taste to let your guests know how much the wedding reception costs and – worse yet – imply that you expect a certain amount of cash from them as a wedding gift. You freely decided to do something costly, and you cannot impose your decision on other people’s wallets. But, given the wedding pricing inflation of the last few years in Toronto, as well as the peer pressure to keep your wedding classy, can you blame our protagonist for at least considering this?

If you’re getting married, you’re kind of stuck between the rock and the hard place. Pay the high price, defy the guests’ expectations at your own peril, and don’t expect anything from your guests in return. It’s no wonder that marriage has been called ‘the luxury good’.

We at Toronto Wedding Resources hate that.

If you want to get married, we believe that the size of your bank account shouldn’t stop you. It may take getting creative. It may take defying expectations and taking a stand (note: it is still a bad idea to ask others for money). But there is something out there for everyone. We love the number of options that we have here, in and around Toronto. And we are honored that you chose us as your advisors and inspiration along this way.

Check out our reviews of Affordable Venues. Check out our advice on how to have a wedding under 10K. Check out our advice on budgeting your wedding. And please share your own ideas with others in the comments!

Cheers!

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